my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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