i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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