I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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