you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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