How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
