i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
