i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
