I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
