some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
