I feel like abortions should bother me more
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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