He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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