The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
