my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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