we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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