Actions speak louder than pants.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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