I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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