You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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