i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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