She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
