You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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