I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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