come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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