9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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