I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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