I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
