Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
