Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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