Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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