So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
