Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
