Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
