I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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