can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize