I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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