I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
