apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
