You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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