It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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