So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
