operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
