ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
