I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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