What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
