In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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