dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
