and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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