Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
