I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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