apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.