the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.