There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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