Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!