STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
