Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
