Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking