Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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