The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
