I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
