I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
tell me about the eggs
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
