so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
