Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
