worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
