it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
