1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
