Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
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Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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