You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
