i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
