made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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