when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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