I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
