I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
