dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
