I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
