Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
