In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
