I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
